Finally find out what it means to be living

I absolutely adore this photograph of me and the Finnster. Just look at that smile!! I want to gobble him up (and it looks like I'm just about to)! He is such a beautiful little boy, with two beautiful, happy parents.

It was such a pleasure (and oh so needed!) to spend time with everyone. I think I have the "baby bug" now, stronger than ever. Surprisingly, I found that I have a great deal of patience with children, including the high-pitched squealer Kate (5yrs) and her rambunctious, stubborn little brother Eli (1.5yrs). Children are a joy!

It's also really interesting to see Jessica again, after such a long period of time apart. The first moment I set eyes on her, I was flooded with the impression of her deep and gorgeous changes. It's almost hard to explain, seeing someone this way -- but I became instantly aware of the magnitude to which she has grown, and the strong light of motherhood shinning from her was one of the most lovely things I have ever seen. She is simply glowing. Her husband, Scott, has undergone a lot of changes too... changes which manifest in him physically. He seems older, more mature, his hair (that wild Jew-fro!!) is amazing, and looks different than before. It reflects an aging of sorts; again, hard to explain.

In other updates of loved ones, I recieved an email recently from Clint in Florida. The letter was difficult to read, to be honest. It was a very long one, talking about his daily life, his work as a tutor for young children, etc. What bothered me about the letter, though, was the way in which he views himself in relation to the world. He has this elevated sense of himself, somewhat illusory, really, of being a "higher" being, of having "mystical" powers -- unique "spiritual" powers that he thrusts upon others, as if he were a prophet. It seems to me, the truly spiritual don't talk about their being spiritual. At least, this is how Buddhism has most often described the "spiritually mature" souls, and I believe this as well. To have the qualities of a saint, or even a prophet, really ought to require an incredible amount of super-human humbleness. Clint seems to become more and more eccentric as the years go by, a little more "out there." I don't know how someone can see themselves as such a deeply spiritual person, and then have sex willingly with a crack-addict the next day. Something is deeply wrong there. The main thing, however, is this: it truly is a miraculous moment when one realizes they are "tapped in" to the undercurrent of their life, like when one is able to know something is coming or about to happen, and it does... but the difference between someone who is spiritually mature and someone who is not, seems to be in the recognition that the premonition, if you wish to call it such, comes not from themselves but from a source larger than themselves. This is the beauty of being human, and really... the beauty of getting to know God. Clint sees these occurances in himself as his own, he takes ownership of them, and this concerns me a great deal because it reveals an ego-driven desire for spiritual power. Yet the illusion is that there is no "person" with these special powers, or abilities. It is a fine line that not many can understand -- a delicate veil that stands between ego and true spirit.

Front yard news: When more money comes in, I've decided on a Dogwood tree for the front corner. I'd like daisies in the flower bed, and some sort of ground-cover flower for the main bed. I should have planted Tulips last fall... I'm yearning for those right now after seeing the house down the street with a walkway lined in them!

This is little Miss Kate, after Jess and I braided her hair. (photo on the right)